Finding My Voice 4: I'm trying to find a balance

Many families across the world do not get to experience the privilege of representing at an evening vigil for the survivors of domestic or sexual abuse because they are working tirelessly, all day, to serve you lunch at your favorite restaurant. And many families are not able to rally on Capitol Hill against laws effecting their lives because they are too busy taking care of the community’s children in their home- the place your family may call “daycare.”

Let’s take a closer look at a couple of examples:

• Family A is a role model for all citizens in the community. They attend all Wednesday evening PTA meetings, and take turns speaking at a series of legislative hearings at the Capitol about the proposed new law set to negatively impact the entire school district. Their children are academically successful.


• Family B is seen as incompetent and worthless citizens, who are simply struggling to make ends meet and never manage to get ahead. They can’t attend the Wednesday evening PTA meetings because they collectively work a 20-hour a day shift to support the family. Upon returning home on Wednesday nights, they use their extra time to help the children out with homework and discuss how the economy has impacted the monthly budget.

Still with me? So then, which family has more political value?

Family A is lobbying for new textbooks for the school, while Family B’s nighttime discussions shape and reform worldviews, political ideologies and beliefs. Both private activism and formal education are important.

When I was in college, I had the privilege to study from overflowing bookshelves of words by notable women such as Mary Wollstonecraft, Patricia Hill Collins, Audre Lorde, bell hooks, and Joan Morgan- from feminism’s First Wave all the way to Hip Hop feminism. One day I was doing my reading from Hill Collins’ text “Black Feminist Thought” before class, and broke down in tears. All of this time I was wondering where I got my “activism gene” from. I felt confused because I didn’t know why my family was so politically unengaged. Her words, in combination with all of the brilliant minds that grace my own personal shelves finally clicked and answered all of my burning questions- questions so many had discarded and neglectfully left unanswered. The personal is political? I get it. Survival as activism? Of course! My family’s struggle to provide for me was actually the foundation of my activism.

Prevailing ideas of what is “political engagement” do not typically include what I will call, “the art of survival.” Seriously, it is an art! In that same book, Hill Collins states that many forms of activism that are recognized include “public, official, visible political activity even though unofficial, private, and seemingly invisible spheres of social life and organizations may be equally important.”

This story is only partial, but the journey to find my voice will last forever. We all must continue growing and evolving. I fight everyday to keep my art alive, my activism meaningful, my politics open, and my voice strong. I hope my story has surprised you, inspired you, made you feel something. There will always be obstacles, but like Slug of Atmosphere says, “I’m trying to find a balance, I’m trying to build a balance.”

In the days of Kings and Queens I was a jester
Treat me like a God, oh they treat me like a leper
You see me move back and forth between both
I'm trying to find a balance
I'm trying to build a balance